I went to a conference on Autism this week, and learned some interesting things that apply to parenting "typically developing" kids as well as kids with disabilities. It seems that as my own kids grow, they are as able to throw full-body tantrums as my 4 - 9 year old students with Autism. Talking with other moms on the way to the conference also assured me that I'm not alone with sassy kids. You're not either. Here are two main points for behavior management from the week:
#1: Stay calm. It does no good to join them in the emotion at the moment. Yep, you get really mad when those sweet kids start spinning their heads, yelling, throwing, kicking... Yep, your adrenaline kicks into high gear, you upset at the words coming out of that sweet little mouth. You want that child to understand that you are in charge and they are not to act this way. I get it. I've been there. But, you and I are the adults. We are the ones with the mostly-developed brains, the ones with the life experience, and the ones with the blessing of being the parent. They are children. Their world revolves around how they feel. They don't control their feelings, they act them out for the world to see. Part of growing up is learning how to control ourselves even when we're really mad. So, get your "Big Girl Panties" on, and stay calm. Breath deeply, count slowly to 10, walk away for a moment if you must. After all, "A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare." (Proverbs 15:1, New Living Translation).
#2: Have Hope. This will get better. I watched an episode of Dr. Quinn today. Horace and Myra were struggling with their new-born baby. She was very fussy, crying all through the night, every night. (episodes 107 and 108). Remember those days? I sure do. I remember lots of sleepless nights and long days, trying to figure out why that sweet little baby was so unhappy. And yet, that time passed. My kids can now, for the most part, tell me what's on their mind. They don't cry for hours on end. We communicate fairly well. We have fun together. While preadolescence and adolescence can be frustrating times, filled with attitudes, challenges, sassyness, and defiance, "This too shall pass," as my mom frequently says. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jeremiah 29:11, NLT). These words were written to the Israelites while they were captives in Babylon. Raising a house full of teens can't be as bad as being prisoners of war in a strange country. Stand firm, stay calm, continue to instill your beliefs in your children, and one day they will be grown. There is hope.
#1: Stay calm. It does no good to join them in the emotion at the moment. Yep, you get really mad when those sweet kids start spinning their heads, yelling, throwing, kicking... Yep, your adrenaline kicks into high gear, you upset at the words coming out of that sweet little mouth. You want that child to understand that you are in charge and they are not to act this way. I get it. I've been there. But, you and I are the adults. We are the ones with the mostly-developed brains, the ones with the life experience, and the ones with the blessing of being the parent. They are children. Their world revolves around how they feel. They don't control their feelings, they act them out for the world to see. Part of growing up is learning how to control ourselves even when we're really mad. So, get your "Big Girl Panties" on, and stay calm. Breath deeply, count slowly to 10, walk away for a moment if you must. After all, "A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare." (Proverbs 15:1, New Living Translation).
#2: Have Hope. This will get better. I watched an episode of Dr. Quinn today. Horace and Myra were struggling with their new-born baby. She was very fussy, crying all through the night, every night. (episodes 107 and 108). Remember those days? I sure do. I remember lots of sleepless nights and long days, trying to figure out why that sweet little baby was so unhappy. And yet, that time passed. My kids can now, for the most part, tell me what's on their mind. They don't cry for hours on end. We communicate fairly well. We have fun together. While preadolescence and adolescence can be frustrating times, filled with attitudes, challenges, sassyness, and defiance, "This too shall pass," as my mom frequently says. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jeremiah 29:11, NLT). These words were written to the Israelites while they were captives in Babylon. Raising a house full of teens can't be as bad as being prisoners of war in a strange country. Stand firm, stay calm, continue to instill your beliefs in your children, and one day they will be grown. There is hope.
